The Magnificent Raven

     I know that I promised to reveal the location of my secret getaway spot upon my return, but something incredible happened, and I changed my mind.  My vacation was interesting, different, revealing, enlightening, confusing, relaxing, but all in all, it was truly amazing.  So that my entire readership doesn't revolt and decide to shun me forever, there are a few details that I will share, but the majority of my 5 days of vacation, I want to keep safely tucked in my heart for a little while longer, if that's all the same with you.

     Last week, I headed to Los Angeles and boarded a red eye flight to Detroit, eventually abandoning the larger jet for a small charter jet headed  to places farther North.  When I landed the second time, I was met in the airport by one of my dear friends I met here on Spaces. Yes, that makes 3 spaces friends I have met now, 2 of which I am very very fond of and one who has, well, nevermind that.  Anyway...my friend and I embraced at the airport and an instant bond was formed.  Have any of you ever met someone who you had the distinct feeling you've known for several lifetimes? Well, last week, I did.  Familiar doesn't even begin to cover the way we picked right up like we've been friends forever.  There were no awkward moments and no uncomfortable silences,which was great considering that we left the airport and embarked on a 4 hour road trip to begin the first leg of my vacation.

    For the first day and a half, I was on a working vacation, and I loved every second of it despite having been awake for the better part of 40 hours. We finished up the job late Thursday afternoon, packed the car with his assortment of chainsaws, ropes and other sharp items perfect for abducting daring Californians and made another 4+ hour road trip, landing our butts in a tiny little city on the water. From there I occupied the next few days on a ferry, an island, over a bridge, under a bridge, having a crazy almost ex-wife steal my laptop, it's case, and all the contents because she was insistent that my friend had flown me up there to shack up with him (the soon to be ex isn't very smart. She had my itinerary which clearly showed my return flight, so obviously, I was coming home. Sheesh!), I met a giant, an organic farming vegan,  watched some breathtaking sunsets, snapped countless photos, communed with nature, got some really great private jokes, and took away a lot of memories. 

     At the end of my stay, several people and lots of nature were changed, and definitely for the better. Up where I was I experienced a peace that few places outside of the beautiful southern California coast have ever afforded me.  I know that sharing is nice, but for now, I want to look at the hundreds of photos I took and smile that big smile that a person with a happy heart smiles.  Knowing that the place I visited loves me as much as I love it makes me a very content woman. 

    I posted a few photos, and I will post more today when I wake up.  Just to be a ginormous pain in the ass, I can tell you that one of you left a comment describing my location with alarming accuracy.  Now, I'm off to sleep so I can wade through more photos to post tomorrow.

    Thank you, my sweet friend, for an incredible and memorable vacation!  It was exactly what I needed.

     *tip toe-ing in to sneak a grope*

Hi every one...it's Raven! Ssssshhh...don't make too much noise, I don't want to wake anybody still sleeping, but I wanted to pop in and taunt you a little with the theme of my vacation. *see title*

So far, I've had a nice vacation with only a few minor incidences.  I have taken a lot of photos, I mean A LOT of photos, smiled a lot, covered hundreds of miles, threatened to kill a woman, and spent a little cash...any ideas where I am yet? No?

Ok, before I hear the chainsaw fired up again, I should go. I don't want to attract any attention. Oh who am I kidding, I LOVE THE ATTENTION! I'm off to stir up more shit, shake things up, push limits, cross boundaries, ruin marriages, make grown men cry, or as we all know it, BE ME!

Here's a few clues to get things started...when we have all of them, where do we go?

That's right! The thinking chair! (no Shupe, that's not the purple one in my room *giggle giggle*

    Well my friends, it's that time.  Tonight, just after midnight, I'll be on an airplane bound for a location being kept secret to protect the innocent. (Obviously, that's NOT me!).  My feelings about this first vacation without the family are mixed, but at the root of it all, I'm really excited to head off on this little adventure.  It's long overdue and well deserved. 

     There have been several guesses as to where I'm headed, none of which are correct, but I am enjoying the speculation.  To add to the intrigue, after spending a block of time on a Boeing 757, I'll be switching planes and continuing my voyage on a Corsair jet and traveling like a rock star for the rest of my journey. 

     I'm mostly packed, the remaining items will be sealed into their waterproof  bags after my shower following karate tonight.  The weather where I'm headed is supposed to be in the mid to high 70's for my entire vacation. Sounds perfect!

     Before I go, I thought you'd get a giggle out of my mother in law's parting words to me yesterday. She wrapped me in a big hug and said, "Have a great trip"...I was confused, but pleased, thinking perhaps her medication had kicked in and she was almost normal, but then she had to return to the Velveeta mind set and add, "Don't end up in a ditch".  Dammit to Hell!  How did she know that my vacation plans included, but are not limited to: drinking milk directly out of the carton, sitting too close to the television, making a face with the full knowledge that it could stay that way forever, taking candy from strangers, running with my scissors AND ending up in a ditch...so there goes that plan! Crap!  Oh well, guess I'll have to find other ways to occupy my time.

     Now come over here and kiss me good-bye! I'll be back next week....so everyone have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't do!

    Not normally being a fan of rants induced by current events, I will be making an exception this evening to blow off some steam.  Tonight's knicker twister is, of course, the Olympics. 

     Seeing as I am not a fan of the Olympics, I can only stomach about 2 seconds of the Olympics at a time, but in each two second increment I have seen some baffling things:

    Why do the women beach volley ball players have to wear a thong and bra to compete while the men are in board shorts and tank tops? It only seems right that the men wear Speedos given the women's uniforms. I noticed that the female players are all built like hot dogs (no ass no tits), so maybe they have to wear that get up so spectators know whether they are watching men or women? And why the fuck is beach volleyball an Olympic sport anyway?

     Why is there no women's boxing? There is women's wrestling, judo and tae kwon do, so why not boxing? Riddle me that Batman.

    And while we're all about equal rights, why is there no men's synchronized swimming? There's men's swimming and gymnastics, so we know there are men out there who really love their jewels encased in lycra, so why not water ballet boys? Inquiring minds want to know.

     What's with so many men wearing unitards or tights whilst swimming? Like a bunch of wet hairless men with condoms on their heads aren't enough to make my dick shrivel, then they have to put on a unitard or tights? If I'm going to watch a man swimming in his unitard, aforementioned man better have on a fancy bathing cap and a big ol' handlebar moustache too!!

     Why is ping-pong an Olympic sport?  I mean really...if there can be Olympic caliber ping pongers (pongists?), where are the Olympic caliber bowlers or billiards players? And why stop with ping pong, how about horseshoes or bocce ball? It's madness, madness I tell you!

     Does anyone know why Karate isn't in the Olympics? Any thoughts?

    Ok, one more and I'll take a breather, for now...

Why the fuck is it necessary for so many Olympic athletes to have some gut wrenching vomit inducing rubber clog wearing hold me while I write in my journal stories about the hardships they've overcome on their road to the Olympics? SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!! Who do I have to sleep with to get a medal in the "man up or fuck off" event? 

    Now, before you strap on that righteous dildo of indignation and tell me to stop watching it if I hate it so much, think about that. What fun would that be? I say we restore the Olympics to their original glory...all men, and all naked! Who's with me?

     Yes, I know, I have been mightily sucking, and not in a good way! The combination of lacking inspiration, drama with my mama, and disturbances in the force kept me away from most things of an electronic nature the last week or so.  I prefer my time spent in the company of my little family and close friends these days, even the days we spend doing absolutely nothing!

     To get everyone as up to speed as I can, I'll attempt to inappropriately touch on the major points. Does that work for everyone? Do I care if it doesn't? Ok, as long as were on the same page.

-Beach camping was the highlight of my summer so far.  I made these reservations back in January, and have been counting down ever since.  For the bargain price of $35 a night, I got to fall asleep on the beach every night, frolic with my family, and enjoy the peace and quiet for 4 days. I highly recommend it!

-I learned last week that permanent records aren't really permanent. I was informed by my sensei that my "permanent" record of everything I've accomplished in the last two years is gone. GONE!! What does that mean? Well, all the rank I've earned up until the last testing in May, still stands, but I had to appear at the world headquarters yesterday to fill out duplicate records and ceremonially retest for my 4th kyu so that there is a record of that one, since my files disappeared before the stamp was added to signify that rank in my international passbook. I was pissed, especially after spending hours yesterday searching the main dojo for my missing files. At least mine aren't the only ones gone.

-My solo vacation plans were temporarily suspended, pending termination,  but are now back, only shortened by a few days. I'm still going though! I leave next week for an undisclosed location.  You'll have to wait until I return on the 18th to see the pictures, then we can play, "Where the hell is Raven?".  It's like Where is Carmen Sandiego, but much more fun.

-If my mother calls my house once more and kicks off the conversation with any of the following sentences: "I just wanted to prepare you", " I hate to be the one to tell you", or "I hate to be the angel of death", I'm going to drive to her house for the sole purpose of punching her in the face. Since she's always sleeping, it won't be a difficult task, but I'm not sure how I feel about punching someone who is laying down? Oh hell...it's long overdue! I'll do it!

-Sometimes people randomly disappear from the Internet. I do not necessarily have anything to do with their random and unexpected disappearances, understood? The way I figure, if people want you to know where they are, they'll tell you, they told me anyway.  Many of us do have lives and friends OUTSIDE OF THE INTERNET, IN THE REAL WORLD!  So don't get pissy with me if I don't answer your queries as to so and so's whereabouts. 

     I posted photos from beach camping, well, a few of the photos I took. There are a lot of photos with my gorgeous offspring in them, and I have decided not to post those on this space anymore. Thank you for understanding and respecting my children's privacy.  I'd assure you that I'll be back soon with a much more interesting update, but I'd just be lying. I'll be back when I can. Thank you to everyone for being such good friends. 

     Much love~Raven