Technically, I'm back from camping, but I haven't had 2 free seconds to rub together in the last 2 weeks! Add to that the ALL DAY karate training event I'll be attending tomorrow and suffices to say I won't be posting a good and improper blog just yet, but I will, I really will, so keep your panties on! Stayed tuned for blogging and photos and Raven, OH MY!

    Well my friends, it's that time of year again...time for  me to load up the truck and head down to the beach to pitch my tent on the sand, fall asleep listening to the waves and wake up listening to the waves...Jealous?

     Tomorrow I'm heading out for 4 days of sun, surf, and s'mores at my much sought after and hard to get beach front campsite.  You all know how I love the beach, but camping on the beach is THE BEST! It's completely worth waking up at 7am January 2 in hopes of snagging a space in July. I'm taking my camera (of course), so you'll get pictures when I get back Thursday, but until then, everyone play nicely in my absence and don't do anything I wouldn't do.

     We'll meet back here Thursday or Friday...I'll be the one with the savage tan and the big smile on my face! 

     Ex's and Oh's~ Raven

    Greetings and salutations my friends, sisters, secret lover, stalkers and those I may offend in the near future.  It is I, the one and only Raven back to answer the questions you have left for me and to get you up to speed on the goings on in and around my nest.   To use one of my favorite phrases; lately I have been busier than a one armed monkey with 6 dicks, which could explain my infrequent postings, but that's not really the reason.  Oh, did you think I was going to tell you the reason? Silly birds! I'm not!!  [cut to maniacal laughter].  Now, where was I? Right, answering questions. 

Brent asked: "Which is more distracting, things that need 'a dressing' or things that need 'un-dressing'?"

     Well Brent, when I am faced (or face down with) things that need-a-dressing, I am very focused on the task at hand. In hand? Oh great, I distracted myself! As for things that need undressing, I have found that when I am undressing, that is distraction enough for everyone! 

Patrick asked: "The skull and crossbones on the lips, are they photographs? Who did you kill?"

     The new background made me smile because it serves to remind those unsuspecting folks that being distracted by the luscious lips might make you unaware of the acid tongue lurking just behind them.  As for who I killed...why Patrick? What did you hear? Who's missing? It's all starting to make sense now, isn't it?

Holly asked, "Where did you get your awesome new background?"

     A good pirate never tells....but thank you, I think it's awesome, and quite fitting too!

Dear Paul,

    Yes, 14,  and when doused with gasoline and set ablaze, everyone smokes!

Double Dragon:

     The only needs I am currently meeting are those of my two offspring, and since they are currently on Summer vacation, their needs are plentiful.  The rest of the world can take a number and I'll pencil them in as soon as I return from my ski trip in hell. 

Lena Wayback wonders: "Do you prefer Crisco or butter on your rubber sheets?"

     The sheets are leather silly, remember- I love the way leather feels on my naked skin? And...I prefer coconut or sweet almond oil, organic, of course!  

My Gwyrdd Dyn inquires: "Do you also spend a great deal of energy and love creating elegant meals just to feed to possums?"

     *giggling*...I lull my possums into a false sense of security by serving  them left overs on fine china and Kool-aid from Waterford crystal!  But the flirty apron and high heels I save for making eggs on Tuesday with you.

As for Gwyrdd Dyn's official questions: "Do trees produce rings in the first 6 years of their life?" and "How hard would it be for you to do what the Owl Man said?"

     After carefully studying your wood, I would say that a tree claiming to be 40 could definitely be 46 although with a trunk like that it could easily pass for a tree in it's 30's, no, not a tree born in the 30's! 

     I would summon all my strength to do as the Owl Man said. I would never want to take that risk, ever!

So there you have it, answers as promised!  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to preparing for my 4 day camping trip down at the beach, right on the sand...a mere steps from the ocean...I leave Monday, so I'll be back again once more before I go.  I will!

    I am going to get to answering the questions everyone has graciously left for me, but first, I must address this vicious and uncalled for tagging attack by Shupe.  Oh all right, I tagged her back a while ago, so it's a revenge tagging, but I LOVE IT!

LAWS  IN  TAG-LAND

• Before you get very far, you're gonna wanna link back to the person who tagged you . That way, there's no question about who the guilty party might be.

• List the Laws --it's only fair. Besides, how else will you know which ones are ready for breakin' --if you don' list 'em?!

• Spill it: The Eight-est GR8-est -or exceptionally quirky lil' tidbits about you.

• Turnabout's fair play. Find your 8 victims, tag those friends and be sure to link to them in your space.

• Leave a lil' luv note for each of your friends on their blog letting them know they've been had.

#1- I didn't start drinking coffee until I was 35, and now when I drink it, I prefer it not taste so much like coffee, but for fuck's sake, when you ask me if I want whipped cream on my swirly frothy caramel mocha faggiato and I say NO, don't put the damned whipped cream on it anyway!!  (Shupe is giggling, she's seen it happen!)  Fucking emo baristas!

#2-My baked goods are better than anyone else's on the planet. You can try to argue or dispute that claim, but you will not win, not now, not ever. I AM THE MASTERBAKER!!  Go ahead, bow before me.  

#3-I don't like to wear pants. Is this extraordinary? Who cares, it's true and that's what we're after, right? 

#4-I am a vegetarian, not because of animal rights, but because my body is missing the enzyme it needs to break down animal proteins, so I suppose I'm a vegetarian because of intestinal rights.  

#5-The lacking enzyme is the same one needed to metabolize alcohol, which is why I rarely, if ever drink. For future reference: rum makes me silly, tequila makes me fight, and Damiana makes me naked, although the combination of a margarita and a man wearing Hugo Boss once made me naked, or was that just a dream?  

#6-I LOVE to swim!! I love to be near, in, around, on, or under water! But not under water for too long unless I'm wearing a scuba tank.  

#7-I wear sunscreen every day, even on my lips, because I don't want to be one of those leathery old wrinkly women one day. My skin, like everything else about me, reacts differently to sunscreen [amongst other things]. The higher the SPF, the darker my skin gets. It's the islander in me I guess? 

#8-I have very odd taste in music. I love to sing in languages I don't even speak, I just learn the songs phonetically and sing away! There are only a few kinds of music I don't like: most country and that awful grinding droning synthesized techno shit.  Grrrr I hate that! Makes me want to kick someone's ass.  

So there you have them, 8 things to add to my file.  I may or may not tag anyone else, I haven't decided.  But right now, I'm going to go lay in the sun and think naughty thoughts. 

     Every time I sit down to attempt an entry, I'm interrupted by something that needs addressing, someone's endless needs, or a shiny object.  Oh, the interruptions aren't all bad, most of them are quite delightful, but I still haven't managed to get an entry composed.  So, I had an idea, then after I finished, I spooned myself so I didn't feel used and cheap (ok, I still felt cheap) and I decided to open this entry up for a good old fashioned Q & A session.  Please, take advantage of me and ask me anything.  Do it! DO IT!! This might be the last time I'm feeling this accommodating.  All questions will be answered in some fashion and points will be awarded for creativity.  Give it to me...you know you want to!  Do it!! NOW NOW NOW!!

     That's right, I have ventured in to post a little somethin' somethin' tonight.  Consider yourselves fortunate I waited as long as I did today, because apparently I had an ugly mood swing earlier today that sent my one of my bestest friends into the forest, hiding like a French soldier. The spouse, after being rudely awakened by me bursting through the bedroom door and declaring that someone was going to die today, soothed the savage bitch by slipping me 12 and that made the world a safer place. Now usually, 8 will suffice, and as ugly as my mood swing was, he considered giving me the new, but not improved since it's new, 16, but worried that might be too much for me to handle, so 12 really hit the spot. 

     I would apologize that I haven't been ribbed for your pleasure lately, but I'm not sorry!  (Insert maniacal laughter here) I've been out having a blast and sometimes, I have been staying in, lolling about and doing jack shit, but I look damn good whilst doing it AND I'm still having a blast!!  I suppose I could be one of those folks who blogs about every little detail of every single day, but I have a life.  Oh, don't get all ass hurt, I can only hold one person at a time while they write about their feelings and I'm fresh out of journals. 

    Ok, here's what I've really been doing. I can't fool anyone. I haven't been around lately because I was serving time for killing a person that left my freezer partially open one too many times.  No? Don't buy that? Ok, I rode off with a band of biker gypsies and joined the circus (thanks Joel!).  Dammit!! That doesn't fool you people either? Ok, the real story is, I've been planning my first solo vacation EVER, so the lapses in my presence are to get you accustomed to my absence in August. I'll be gone a whole week!!

    Now, I must batten down the hatches, and by batten down the hatches, I mean drink heavily. My mother just called and she's heading down in a bit to grace me with her presence. Oh joy!