I must shamefully admit, there is something very erotic and at the same time petrifying about a man covered in blood. It's so primal, so undeniably masculine, so...so...what's the word I'm grasping for? I could go the route of other more verbose bloggers and use 14 words where one would do, but I will save my precious breath for the panting and moaning I plan to do later.  Lascivious! That's the word. When I read that you dragged her remains to the swamp so we could finally be together forever, I knew I was in for a lifetime of adventure.

    I remember vividly the first time I saw you in person. You were walking towards me, bedizened in camouflage, hunkered over, wild eyed, like a man unsure about whether he's predator, or prey.  My mind flashed back to all the times I swore I saw you standing outside my bedroom window or diving into the bushes behind my gym when you feared discovery. Oh the way the moonlight made the intricate embroidery on your elk skin lederhosen come to life.*sigh*

     So many lonely nights I woke to find you watching me sleep.  The glow from your night vision goggles setting you apart from my average stalkers who simply stood outside my room vigorously masturbating.  Not you, you were special, and you had the helmet to prove that.  I felt a bond with you, and learned quickly that you were a man who knew how to tie a knot.  It seems like yesterday that I heard your voice for the first time...I will never forget how your warm hand felt as you placed it gently over my mouth, your eyes so full of love as you leaned close and whispered, "Don't be afraid my love, I will wear lederhosen and dance sexy for you". To this day, those words make my blood run cold and the hairs on my back stand on end.

     I anxiously await our next encounter...my neck misses the feel of the cold blade of a saw pressed against it while you drive me to an undisclosed location. Please lover...come back to me.

     So many things crushing down on me, something has to give.  Days go by, emotions are up, down, hot, cold and everywhere in between. Something has to give, something, not someone. There has been a slow yet tangible softening in my attitude towards the world, most of the time. Maybe not so much a softening as an embracing of my... Does this blog make my beautifully flawed humanity look fat or are you just an ass? Should I write a disclaimer alerting you to the randomness and subject jumping whilst participating in this social intercourse? No? Ok, let's grease this pan and slide some meat in it!

     Tomorrow marks a day when something very tragic yet amazing at the same time happened. On September 11, 35 years ago, I lost my status as an only child but gained my first of 3 younger sisters.  We four might be wildly different, but if you mess with one of us, you deal with us all.  Oh, did you think for one second I was referring to 9/11? Fuck off, no really, fuck off. The events occurring on that day don't weigh heavily on me at all. Call me all the names you want, but I am not going to jump on the bandwagon of mindless people wasting precious moments of the present whining and crying about tragic events of the past. Acknowledge, move on. America was long overdue for a thinning of the herd anyway. How arrogant is it to believe that one country is immune to terrorist attacks when the rest of the world has been dealing with them in some form for centuries?

    Why do some people insist on dredging up past events over and over and over and over and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...Sorry, I must have dozed off while listening to someone rehashing the rehash of something about Pat's rioting? Pastry autism? Was that my mother talking? Have you seen my ball point pen? Click click.

     There was a death in my family recently, if you didn't already know, now you do. It's sickening how losing a family member should logically bring siblings closer together, but since my mother's insanity is apparently a shared genetic defect amongst her brothers and sister, this has driven them fighting mad. Fighting being the operative word. Moving on----------->

   A lot is two words. PLEASE remember that. This blog might make no sense, neither does this apple. Thank you, drive through.  

Today, I am 39 years old. I don't feel anywhere near that age, despite having been around the block so many times that I have a boulevard named after me! In [dis]honor of my birthday, I am posting 39 things that may or may not be true...Now, my birthday suit is freshly scrubbed and deliciously lotioned, and I might just lounge about it in all day. It is my birthday after all.  I have no idea where my day will take me, but I can assure you, I will have a big smile on my face wherever I am. 

Ok, here's a little something I found in my inbox-there will be a quiz later, so you can decide which answers are fact, and which are fiction. Good luck and good-night. 

1. Do you like blue cheese?   I don't think it's right for cheese to come in colors other than white. Milk is white, cheese should be white, and it should NEVER smell like ass or feet.  

2. Do you own a gun?  I have a Mossberg 12 gauge shot gun with a cool mafia pistol grip and I have a pistol holstered somewhere secret.

3. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?  No, but the doctors  get nervous when they see my name on their schedule.

4. What do you think of hot dogs?  Yves Meatless hot dogs with habenero cheese, spicy mustard and hot pepper relish on a whole wheat bun are a perfect lunch!

5. Favorite Christmas movie?  There are so many! I love "The Nightmare Before Christmas", "A Christmas Story" and The Santa Clause movies.  

6. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?  The blood of virgins, but since that's always on back order, I usually end up with hot green tea with honey. 

7. Can you do push ups?  That just sounds kinky...but they are the right shape.

8. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?  I'm half Filipino, you expect me to choose just one?

9. Favorite hobby?  Sarcasm is a hobby, isn't it?

10. Do you have A.D.D.? A.D.D something shiny...What was the question? Did you see that rabbit?

11. What's one trait you dislike about yourself?  That there is only one of me, but the Universe is safer this way.

12. Middle name? That's the name between the first and last name

13. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:

  1.  I hope that one of my friends I haven't spoken to in a while is ok

  2.  Why am I craving a diet coke in a paper cup with ice?

  3. I want to curl up and snuggle with.... 

14. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? water, green tea, pomegranate juice

15. Current worry?    I don't like to worry, it causes the face to wrinkle prematurely.

16. Favorite place to be? The beach

17. How did you bring in the new year? Wearing a tiara, swim mask, snorkel and one black sock 

18. Where would you like to go?  The Maldives

19. Name three people who will complete this?  Snap, Crackle and Pop

20. Do you own slippers? No, I am leasing with the option to buy 

21 What shirt are you wearing?  The one that came with my birthday suit

22. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?   I'm a high thread count kind of girl. Nothing feels like 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets on naked skin

23. Can you whistle?  Yes, and when I'm blowing bubbles and wiggling my ears, I'm preparing to attack.

24. Favorite color? you should ALL know this by now!

25. Would you be a pirate? I am a pirate! I am the very model of the model major general. I'm every woman, it's all in meeeeeeee!!!!

26. What songs do you sing in the shower? "Come take a trip in my Airship", "You belong to me", "Crush crush crush" are a few of my faves, but I do take requests.

27. What's in your pocket right now?  *smirking* So tell me, where exactly are the pockets in a birthday suit?

28. Last thing that made you laugh? It's classified. I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

29. What vehicle do you drive?  If it has testicles or tires, it's going to be trouble!

30. Worst injury you've ever had? a sprained heart

31. Do you love where you live? YES YES OH MY GOD YESSSSSSSS!!!!! What was the question?

32. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2, and neither are in a bedroom  

33. Who is your loudest friend?  That depends on whether they are wearing the ball gag and what I'm doing to them at the moment.

34. Do you have any pets? Yes, name them all and win a prize

35. Does someone have a crush on you? Does anyone NOT have a crush on me? Sheesh!

36. Your favorite book(s)?  Anne Rice Vampire or Witching Hour books, Women who run with the wolves, Guess How Much I love You, Baby Earth, etc...etc...etc...I LOVE TO READ!

37. Do you collect anything?  *giggling*

38. Favorite Sports Team? I'm sorry, I couldn't answer that, I have a life

39. What song do you want played at your funeral? We'll kick things off with Ding Dong the Witch is Dead, follow it with a sing-a-long version of Baby Got Back and then close the show with Fleetwood Mac's Gypsy.