The Magnificent Raven

Photosynthesis

Gypsies, tramps and thieves-Part 1

Red eyes and good-byes...

Ranting IS a sport!

Raven Resurfaces

Shaking things up!

I'm back-sort of...

Happy Camper

Riposte Haste

First things first

Digging deep

Stop the presses!

Heat stroked

Oh no he didn't!

Much doo doo about nothing

The interrogation of Raven

Siren Song

Red flags

Serenade

Jacaranda

Photo Album: Beach Camping 2008

Photo Album: Taking a hike

Photo Album: Cloud illusions

Photo Album: My view

Photo Album: Lake Day

Photo Album: January 14 at the BEACH!

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 08:39:41 GMT

I know that I promised to reveal the location of my secret getaway spot upon my return, but something incredible happened, and I changed my mind. My vacation was interesting, different, revealing, enlightening, confusing, relaxing, but all in all, it was truly amazing. So that my entire readership doesn't revolt and decide to shun me forever, there are a few details that I will share, but the majority of my 5 days of vacation, I want to keep safely tucked in my heart for a little while longer, if that's all the same with you.

Last week, I headed to Los Angeles and boarded a red eye flight to Detroit, eventually abandoning the larger jet for a small charter jet headed to places farther North. When I landed the second time, I was met in the airport by one of my dear friends I met here on Spaces. Yes, that makes 3 spaces friends I have met now, 2 of which I am very very fond of and one who has, well, nevermind that. Anyway...my friend and I embraced at the airport and an instant bond was formed. Have any of you ever met someone who you had the distinct feeling you've known for several lifetimes? Well, last week, I did. Familiar doesn't even begin to cover the way we picked right up like we've been friends forever. There were no awkward moments and no uncomfortable silences,which was great considering that we left the airport and embarked on a 4 hour road trip to begin the first leg of my vacation.

For the first day and a half, I was on a working vacation, and I loved every second of it despite having been awake for the better part of 40 hours. We finished up the job late Thursday afternoon, packed the car with his assortment of chainsaws, ropes and other sharp items perfect for abducting daring Californians and made another 4+ hour road trip, landing our butts in a tiny little city on the water. From there I occupied the next few days on a ferry, an island, over a bridge, under a bridge, having a crazy almost ex-wife steal my laptop, it's case, and all the contents because she was insistent that my friend had flown me up there to shack up with him (the soon to be ex isn't very smart. She had my itinerary which clearly showed my return flight, so obviously, I was coming home. Sheesh!), I met a giant, an organic farming vegan, watched some breathtaking sunsets, snapped countless photos, communed with nature, got some really great private jokes, and took away a lot of memories.

At the end of my stay, several people and lots of nature were changed, and definitely for the better. Up where I was I experienced a peace that few places outside of the beautiful southern California coast have ever afforded me. I know that sharing is nice, but for now, I want to look at the hundreds of photos I took and smile that big smile that a person with a happy heart smiles. Knowing that the place I visited loves me as much as I love it makes me a very content woman.

I posted a few photos, and I will post more today when I wake up. Just to be a ginormous pain in the ass, I can tell you that one of you left a comment describing my location with alarming accuracy. Now, I'm off to sleep so I can wade through more photos to post tomorrow.

Thank you, my sweet friend, for an incredible and memorable vacation! It was exactly what I needed.

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 14:09:21 GMT

*tip toe-ing in to sneak a grope*

Hi every one...it's Raven! Ssssshhh...don't make too much noise, I don't want to wake anybody still sleeping, but I wanted to pop in and taunt you a little with the theme of my vacation. *see title*

So far, I've had a nice vacation with only a few minor incidences. I have taken a lot of photos, I mean A LOT of photos, smiled a lot, covered hundreds of miles, threatened to kill a woman, and spent a little cash...any ideas where I am yet? No?

Ok, before I hear the chainsaw fired up again, I should go. I don't want to attract any attention. Oh who am I kidding, I LOVE THE ATTENTION! I'm off to stir up more shit, shake things up, push limits, cross boundaries, ruin marriages, make grown men cry, or as we all know it, BE ME!

Here's a few clues to get things started...when we have all of them, where do we go?

That's right! The thinking chair! (no Shupe, that's not the purple one in my room *giggle giggle*

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 22:13:23 GMT

Well my friends, it's that time. Tonight, just after midnight, I'll be on an airplane bound for a location being kept secret to protect the innocent. (Obviously, that's NOT me!). My feelings about this first vacation without the family are mixed, but at the root of it all, I'm really excited to head off on this little adventure. It's long overdue and well deserved.

There have been several guesses as to where I'm headed, none of which are correct, but I am enjoying the speculation. To add to the intrigue, after spending a block of time on a Boeing 757, I'll be switching planes and continuing my voyage on a Corsair jet and traveling like a rock star for the rest of my journey.

I'm mostly packed, the remaining items will be sealed into their waterproof bags after my shower following karate tonight. The weather where I'm headed is supposed to be in the mid to high 70's for my entire vacation. Sounds perfect!

Before I go, I thought you'd get a giggle out of my mother in law's parting words to me yesterday. She wrapped me in a big hug and said, "Have a great trip"...I was confused, but pleased, thinking perhaps her medication had kicked in and she was almost normal, but then she had to return to the Velveeta mind set and add, "Don't end up in a ditch". Dammit to Hell! How did she know that my vacation plans included, but are not limited to: drinking milk directly out of the carton, sitting too close to the television, making a face with the full knowledge that it could stay that way forever, taking candy from strangers, running with my scissors AND ending up in a ditch...so there goes that plan! Crap! Oh well, guess I'll have to find other ways to occupy my time.

Now come over here and kiss me good-bye! I'll be back next week....so everyone have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 05:35:39 GMT

Not normally being a fan of rants induced by current events, I will be making an exception this evening to blow off some steam. Tonight's knicker twister is, of course, the Olympics.

Seeing as I am not a fan of the Olympics, I can only stomach about 2 seconds of the Olympics at a time, but in each two second increment I have seen some baffling things:

Why do the women beach volley ball players have to wear a thong and bra to compete while the men are in board shorts and tank tops? It only seems right that the men wear Speedos given the women's uniforms. I noticed that the female players are all built like hot dogs (no ass no tits), so maybe they have to wear that get up so spectators know whether they are watching men or women? And why the fuck is beach volleyball an Olympic sport anyway?

Why is there no women's boxing? There is women's wrestling, judo and tae kwon do, so why not boxing? Riddle me that Batman.

And while we're all about equal rights, why is there no men's synchronized swimming? There's men's swimming and gymnastics, so we know there are men out there who really love their jewels encased in lycra, so why not water ballet boys? Inquiring minds want to know.

What's with so many men wearing unitards or tights whilst swimming? Like a bunch of wet hairless men with condoms on their heads aren't enough to make my dick shrivel, then they have to put on a unitard or tights? If I'm going to watch a man swimming in his unitard, aforementioned man better have on a fancy bathing cap and a big ol' handlebar moustache too!!

Why is ping-pong an Olympic sport? I mean really...if there can be Olympic caliber ping pongers (pongists?), where are the Olympic caliber bowlers or billiards players? And why stop with ping pong, how about horseshoes or bocce ball? It's madness, madness I tell you!

Does anyone know why Karate isn't in the Olympics? Any thoughts?

Ok, one more and I'll take a breather, for now...

Why the fuck is it necessary for so many Olympic athletes to have some gut wrenching vomit inducing rubber clog wearing hold me while I write in my journal stories about the hardships they've overcome on their road to the Olympics? SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!! Who do I have to sleep with to get a medal in the "man up or fuck off" event?

Now, before you strap on that righteous dildo of indignation and tell me to stop watching it if I hate it so much, think about that. What fun would that be? I say we restore the Olympics to their original glory...all men, and all naked! Who's with me?

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 03:55:40 GMT

Yes, I know, I have been mightily sucking, and not in a good way! The combination of lacking inspiration, drama with my mama, and disturbances in the force kept me away from most things of an electronic nature the last week or so. I prefer my time spent in the company of my little family and close friends these days, even the days we spend doing absolutely nothing!

To get everyone as up to speed as I can, I'll attempt to inappropriately touch on the major points. Does that work for everyone? Do I care if it doesn't? Ok, as long as were on the same page.

-Beach camping was the highlight of my summer so far. I made these reservations back in January, and have been counting down ever since. For the bargain price of $35 a night, I got to fall asleep on the beach every night, frolic with my family, and enjoy the peace and quiet for 4 days. I highly recommend it!

-I learned last week that permanent records aren't really permanent. I was informed by my sensei that my "permanent" record of everything I've accomplished in the last two years is gone. GONE!! What does that mean? Well, all the rank I've earned up until the last testing in May, still stands, but I had to appear at the world headquarters yesterday to fill out duplicate records and ceremonially retest for my 4th kyu so that there is a record of that one, since my files disappeared before the stamp was added to signify that rank in my international passbook. I was pissed, especially after spending hours yesterday searching the main dojo for my missing files. At least mine aren't the only ones gone.

-My solo vacation plans were temporarily suspended, pending termination, but are now back, only shortened by a few days. I'm still going though! I leave next week for an undisclosed location. You'll have to wait until I return on the 18th to see the pictures, then we can play, "Where the hell is Raven?". It's like Where is Carmen Sandiego, but much more fun.

-If my mother calls my house once more and kicks off the conversation with any of the following sentences: "I just wanted to prepare you", " I hate to be the one to tell you", or "I hate to be the angel of death", I'm going to drive to her house for the sole purpose of punching her in the face. Since she's always sleeping, it won't be a difficult task, but I'm not sure how I feel about punching someone who is laying down? Oh hell...it's long overdue! I'll do it!

-Sometimes people randomly disappear from the Internet. I do not necessarily have anything to do with their random and unexpected disappearances, understood? The way I figure, if people want you to know where they are, they'll tell you, they told me anyway. Many of us do have lives and friends OUTSIDE OF THE INTERNET, IN THE REAL WORLD! So don't get pissy with me if I don't answer your queries as to so and so's whereabouts.

I posted photos from beach camping, well, a few of the photos I took. There are a lot of photos with my gorgeous offspring in them, and I have decided not to post those on this space anymore. Thank you for understanding and respecting my children's privacy. I'd assure you that I'll be back soon with a much more interesting update, but I'd just be lying. I'll be back when I can. Thank you to everyone for being such good friends.

Much love~Raven

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 18:51:41 GMT

We just had a 5.8 magnitude earthquake!!

centered about 30 miles away, 7 miles deep...

California ROCKS!

LITERALLY

We're all safe, nothing broken.

(the quake was felt as far away as Vegas)

I'll be back later

~Raven

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 06:32:08 GMT

Technically, I'm back from camping, but I haven't had 2 free seconds to rub together in the last 2 weeks! Add to that the ALL DAY karate training event I'll be attending tomorrow and suffices to say I won't be posting a good and improper blog just yet, but I will, I really will, so keep your panties on! Stayed tuned for blogging and photos and Raven, OH MY!

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 07:14:46 GMT

Well my friends, it's that time of year again...time for me to load up the truck and head down to the beach to pitch my tent on the sand, fall asleep listening to the waves and wake up listening to the waves...Jealous?

Tomorrow I'm heading out for 4 days of sun, surf, and s'mores at my much sought after and hard to get beach front campsite. You all know how I love the beach, but camping on the beach is THE BEST! It's completely worth waking up at 7am January 2 in hopes of snagging a space in July. I'm taking my camera (of course), so you'll get pictures when I get back Thursday, but until then, everyone play nicely in my absence and don't do anything I wouldn't do.

We'll meet back here Thursday or Friday...I'll be the one with the savage tan and the big smile on my face!

Ex's and Oh's~ Raven

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 01:40:42 GMT

Greetings and salutations my friends, sisters, secret lover, stalkers and those I may offend in the near future. It is I, the one and only Raven back to answer the questions you have left for me and to get you up to speed on the goings on in and around my nest. To use one of my favorite phrases; lately I have been busier than a one armed monkey with 6 dicks, which could explain my infrequent postings, but that's not really the reason. Oh, did you think I was going to tell you the reason? Silly birds! I'm not!! [cut to maniacal laughter]. Now, where was I? Right, answering questions.

Brent asked: "Which is more distracting, things that need 'a dressing' or things that need 'un-dressing'?"

Well Brent, when I am faced (or face down with) things that need-a-dressing, I am very focused on the task at hand. In hand? Oh great, I distracted myself! As for things that need undressing, I have found that when I am undressing, that is distraction enough for everyone!

Patrick asked: "The skull and crossbones on the lips, are they photographs? Who did you kill?"

The new background made me smile because it serves to remind those unsuspecting folks that being distracted by the luscious lips might make you unaware of the acid tongue lurking just behind them. As for who I killed...why Patrick? What did you hear? Who's missing? It's all starting to make sense now, isn't it?

Holly asked, "Where did you get your awesome new background?"

A good pirate never tells....but thank you, I think it's awesome, and quite fitting too!

Dear Paul,

Yes, 14, and when doused with gasoline and set ablaze, everyone smokes!

Double Dragon:

The only needs I am currently meeting are those of my two offspring, and since they are currently on Summer vacation, their needs are plentiful. The rest of the world can take a number and I'll pencil them in as soon as I return from my ski trip in hell.

Lena Wayback wonders: "Do you prefer Crisco or butter on your rubber sheets?"

The sheets are leather silly, remember- I love the way leather feels on my naked skin? And...I prefer coconut or sweet almond oil, organic, of course!

My Gwyrdd Dyn inquires: "Do you also spend a great deal of energy and love creating elegant meals just to feed to possums?"

*giggling*...I lull my possums into a false sense of security by serving them left overs on fine china and Kool-aid from Waterford crystal! But the flirty apron and high heels I save for making eggs on Tuesday with you.

As for Gwyrdd Dyn's official questions: "Do trees produce rings in the first 6 years of their life?" and "How hard would it be for you to do what the Owl Man said?"

After carefully studying your wood, I would say that a tree claiming to be 40 could definitely be 46 although with a trunk like that it could easily pass for a tree in it's 30's, no, not a tree born in the 30's!

I would summon all my strength to do as the Owl Man said. I would never want to take that risk, ever!

So there you have it, answers as promised! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to preparing for my 4 day camping trip down at the beach, right on the sand...a mere steps from the ocean...I leave Monday, so I'll be back again once more before I go. I will!

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 19:14:14 GMT

I am going to get to answering the questions everyone has graciously left for me, but first, I must address this vicious and uncalled for tagging attack by Shupe. Oh all right, I tagged her back a while ago, so it's a revenge tagging, but I LOVE IT!

LAWS IN TAG-LAND

Before you get very far, you're gonna wanna link back to the person who tagged you . That way, there's no question about who the guilty party might be.
List the Laws --it's only fair. Besides, how else will you know which ones are ready for breakin' --if you don' list 'em?!
Spill it: The Eight-est GR8-est -or exceptionally quirky lil' tidbits about you.
Turnabout's fair play. Find your 8 victims, tag those friends and be sure to link to them in your space.
Leave a lil' luv note for each of your friends on their blog letting them know they've been had.

#1- I didn't start drinking coffee until I was 35, and now when I drink it, I prefer it not taste so much like coffee, but for fuck's sake, when you ask me if I want whipped cream on my swirly frothy caramel mocha faggiato and I say NO, don't put the damned whipped cream on it anyway!! (Shupe is giggling, she's seen it happen!) Fucking emo baristas!

#2-My baked goods are better than anyone else's on the planet. You can try to argue or dispute that claim, but you will not win, not now, not ever. I AM THE MASTERBAKER!! Go ahead, bow before me.

#3-I don't like to wear pants. Is this extraordinary? Who cares, it's true and that's what we're after, right?

#4-I am a vegetarian, not because of animal rights, but because my body is missing the enzyme it needs to break down animal proteins, so I suppose I'm a vegetarian because of intestinal rights.

#5-The lacking enzyme is the same one needed to metabolize alcohol, which is why I rarely, if ever drink. For future reference: rum makes me silly, tequila makes me fight, and Damiana makes me naked, although the combination of a margarita and a man wearing Hugo Boss once made me naked, or was that just a dream?

#6-I LOVE to swim!! I love to be near, in, around, on, or under water! But not under water for too long unless I'm wearing a scuba tank.

#7-I wear sunscreen every day, even on my lips, because I don't want to be one of those leathery old wrinkly women one day. My skin, like everything else about me, reacts differently to sunscreen [amongst other things]. The higher the SPF, the darker my skin gets. It's the islander in me I guess?

#8-I have very odd taste in music. I love to sing in languages I don't even speak, I just learn the songs phonetically and sing away! There are only a few kinds of music I don't like: most country and that awful grinding droning synthesized techno shit. Grrrr I hate that! Makes me want to kick someone's ass.

So there you have them, 8 things to add to my file. I may or may not tag anyone else, I haven't decided. But right now, I'm going to go lay in the sun and think naughty thoughts.

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 07:33:34 GMT

Every time I sit down to attempt an entry, I'm interrupted by something that needs addressing, someone's endless needs, or a shiny object. Oh, the interruptions aren't all bad, most of them are quite delightful, but I still haven't managed to get an entry composed. So, I had an idea, then after I finished, I spooned myself so I didn't feel used and cheap (ok, I still felt cheap) and I decided to open this entry up for a good old fashioned Q & A session. Please, take advantage of me and ask me anything. Do it! DO IT!! This might be the last time I'm feeling this accommodating. All questions will be answered in some fashion and points will be awarded for creativity. Give it to me...you know you want to! Do it!! NOW NOW NOW!!

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 03:58:46 GMT

That's right, I have ventured in to post a little somethin' somethin' tonight. Consider yourselves fortunate I waited as long as I did today, because apparently I had an ugly mood swing earlier today that sent my one of my bestest friends into the forest, hiding like a French soldier. The spouse, after being rudely awakened by me bursting through the bedroom door and declaring that someone was going to die today, soothed the savage bitch by slipping me 12 and that made the world a safer place. Now usually, 8 will suffice, and as ugly as my mood swing was, he considered giving me the new, but not improved since it's new, 16, but worried that might be too much for me to handle, so 12 really hit the spot.

I would apologize that I haven't been ribbed for your pleasure lately, but I'm not sorry! (Insert maniacal laughter here) I've been out having a blast and sometimes, I have been staying in, lolling about and doing jack shit, but I look damn good whilst doing it AND I'm still having a blast!! I suppose I could be one of those folks who blogs about every little detail of every single day, but I have a life. Oh, don't get all ass hurt, I can only hold one person at a time while they write about their feelings and I'm fresh out of journals.

Ok, here's what I've really been doing. I can't fool anyone. I haven't been around lately because I was serving time for killing a person that left my freezer partially open one too many times. No? Don't buy that? Ok, I rode off with a band of biker gypsies and joined the circus (thanks Joel!). Dammit!! That doesn't fool you people either? Ok, the real story is, I've been planning my first solo vacation EVER, so the lapses in my presence are to get you accustomed to my absence in August. I'll be gone a whole week!!

Now, I must batten down the hatches, and by batten down the hatches, I mean drink heavily. My mother just called and she's heading down in a bit to grace me with her presence. Oh joy!

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 02:27:00 GMT

Oh yeah, it's HOT out here!! We topped out at 104 today, which is hot, but not the bad part of the weather by any means. The bad part about our current heat wave is the dry air. Yesterday we we're supposed to exist in 13% humidity, today it rose to an afro-inducing 16%!! What the hell is going on out here? Island blood, people, I don't like dry air!! Come on! In an effort to counteract the arid conditions, I dragged my minions to the lake for a day of frolicking and frivolity. YAY! The lake by our house is man made, but it's a private lake, so it's not crowded as I'm sure the beach was today, which makes me a very happy woman. When we arrived just after 10am, there were maybe 10 people there already. I know, I'm spoiled, what can I say? My offspring bolted for the water and left me to arrange our homestead for our first lake day of the year. I got everyone's towels laid out, stowed water bottles and backpacks in the shade of the palm tree and then heard my little man requesting his crocodile raft. Without really giving it much thought, I grabbed the raft and flipped in on it's back to open the valve, that's when I got a severe case of the giggles thinking about the placement of the valves. You know it had to be a man's design when the valve stem is located precisely where the penis would be should my raft have a penis. Oh trust me, if it did have a penis, it would be located on the top so I could float along sitting astride my raft and smiling!

Being unbalanced as I am, I wondered: What would be the best way to approach the blowing of the crocodile? Should I lay him on his back and kneel off to the side leaning over him? Perhaps I could stand it up against a tree and kneel in front of it? No, that won't do, how about if I crawl on top of the raft with my face down on the valve and my ass pointed at the crocodile's head, that seems fair, right? Reciprocity is always nice. So, there I was, sitting on the sand, fellating, I mean inflating a giant vinyl crocodile, my mind off somewhere else and I was smiling. Oh it was a big smile too! Did you see it all the way out there? In any case, the crocodile was blown and everyone was happy. Oh yeah, it was a hot one today! And...Happy Summer Solstice!!

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 08:25:33 GMT

I've been double dared! Double dared I tell you! Seems that my best [man]friend thinks I'm entirely too happy to rant anymore, so he dared, and then to add insult to his potential injuries, double dared me to attempt to rant in my current state of utter bliss. So, I eloquently told him, "It's on!". Yes, I know, I'm quite gifted with words, you may now drop to your knees and worship at my altar. I SAID NOW!!

As many of you know, ranting is something that cannot be forced, it must be taken by the hand and led gently to the stream. It's an art form, if you will *shuddering orgasmically*. Ok, now I'm just talking out my ass! Where did that saying originate? Talking out one's ass? Is that even possible? If one can manage to converse out of one's ass then what purpose would our mouths serve *mind wandering to the bad place again*? Dammit! I was distracted with my own oral fixation! And now many of you are distracted with my oral fixation as well, so my evil plot to rule the world is coming along nicely. I'd evil laugh, but Steven knows what happens when I do, and he'd mock me, then I'd have to deny him access to the evil underground lair which would leave him in the corner writing about his feelings in his journal. We don't want that, or do we? No, we don't. Trust me on this.

Oh shit, I forgot to rant. That's why I'm here, right? Did you really think I was here to stand in front of the fan wearing just my sarong so you could marvel at how it blows wide open (the sarong, not the fan)? It might be sarong, but it feels so right! (am I ranting yet?) No? CRAP! Ok, let me focus my power on something that chaps my round ass...everyone be very still for a moment so I can think...ok, you all sitting perfectly still doesn't really help me think, I just wanted to see if you would. Because I'm EVIL! Like the Fru-its of the DEVIL!!

Ranting!! I'm supposed to be ranting!! There's no way I'm letting that hot hunk of a man think I've gone all giggles and stiff nipples...so I must focus my power and find my rant! I can be sure it's not in my pocket since I'm not wearing anything under the sarong, so where did it go? I think the best course of action is for me to slip my hand under my sarong and feel around, see what comes to mind. I may not find my rant, but honestly, I probably won't care. Oh yeah....that feels goooooood! Ok, no rant yet, but as I always say: if you can't beat it, eat it.

***this just in*** A reliable source has informed me that a "real man" would "Triple dog dare" me (I just like encasing words in "quotation marks") because that's where the rubber meets the road (???). So do it JR, triple dog dare me, and make the stakes sweet...I'm in the mood to play!

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 02:54:51 GMT

Right now I'm consumed with the thought of sitting around a campfire with something hot, sweet and sticky in my mouth *licking lips slowly*. Since THAT'S not happening in the next few minutes, I have decided to actually sit my ass in a real live chair, fire off a lapdance, or something involving music, bumping, grinding and dancing, and see what falls out of the dark recesses of my twisted brain, or my sundress. This is a great song blaring in my ear right now, Eve ft. Swizz beats "Shake your tambourine", one of those songs that makes even the biggest stick in the mud unclench their ass cheeks and dance!! I tried holding the ear buds up to your ear, but I'm not sure that works. Ella and I also discovered that dead sea mud masks don't make it across the world simply by stuffing them in your CD ROM drive. No, they do not!

Today I used the words "flash drive" in a sentence involving the most convenient way to easily access an ass load of photos of me and I believe I made a grown man giggle. It was GRAND!! Oh you should have heard him when I said "hard drive". Laughter is by far one of the best things people can share! Not the best *wiggling eyebrows*, but one of the best for certain!

Ok, I'm going to be needing a vacation this summer, a week, all to myself. I figure if I dig out the webcam and hook it to the top rail of the trampoline to make some extra money to buy a brass pole to dance around to make even more extra money, I can vacation alone. Either that or I can open it up to a bidding war? Someone make me an offer I can't refuse. Anyone? You, over there on your cell phone while riding a unicycle, how about it?

The fruit loops of my loins finish out their school year one week from today. Normally, at this point, I'm trying to find ways to keep one of those hydration packs filled with Malibu rum to get through 10 weeks of bickering and whining, "I have nothing to do", or "I'm bored" and whatever the kids say to each other when the spouse and I finally go to neutral corners, but not this year. For some unknown reason, I'm looking forward to having nothing in particular to do except lay like lizards in the sun either at the lake, the pool, or the beach. Looks like my unusual mothering techniques are finally showing some results! Either that or it's the drugs?

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 17:03:55 GMT

1.Besides your mouth, where is your favorite spot to get kissed?
My body, every single inch of it.

2. Were you happy when you woke up today?
I always wake up happy!! It's pretty irritating to those around me actually.

3. How about now?
Yeah, I'm really happy right now!

4. Do you eat candy on a daily basis?
nope

5. Who was the last person you ate with?
My minions

6. Are you currently taking a science class in school?
No, go away now.

7. Kiss on the first date?
Yes, always, ask Angie *smirking*

8. Would you rather have chicken or steak?
I find that steak makes a nice hat, but chicken works better as a purse. I gave my porter house to Thom Kansas

10. Are you different now than you were six months ago?
yes, I'm 6 months older

11. What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
I'm an excellent drinker, only on Sunday

12. How old will you be in 6 months?
39

13. Who was the last person to text you?
Steven

14. In what month is your birthday?
September

15. Can you live a day without TV?
yes, I have a life outside my house, thanks for asking.

16. When was the last time you saw your dad?
two weeks ago when I gave him a haircut, was that the last time?? OH NO!!

17. How many pets do you have?
Human or animal? Please specify

18. How many houses have you lived in?
review the files, stalker.

19. How many cities/towns have you lived in?
see above

20. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
no show socks only with my running shoes or boots, otherwise no socks with shoes EVER!

21. What is your favorite color?
for the 14 millionth time, it's PURPLE!! Crap! Pay attention!

22. What are you doing for your next birthday?
I can't tell you, it's classified.

23. What are you thinking about right now?
see above

24. Any plans for next weekend?
nope,let's make it a sperm of the moment kind of weekend, ok?

25. Do you smile a lot?
YES! Most of the time, even as I double up my fist and knock you the F*CK out, you'll see my pearly whites as you drop.

26. When was the last time you cried and why?
Yesterday, but they were happy tears, as silly as that term is. YOU know what I mean,don't you? *looking at JR*

27. Have you ever had a life-threatening injury?
nope

28. What do you want to be when you grow up?
In answering this, have I in any way agreed to grow up? Please advise.

29. Do you like flying or driving?
I LOVE to fly!

30. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
I learned to drive in a stick shift, and I can also ride a motorcycle, bitch!

31. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
my kids

32. Do you wear any jewelry daily?
nose piercing, bracelet, rings, watch

34. Who is the funniest person you know?
I am! Duh!

35. How often do you remember your dreams?
50/50, ok, maybe 60/40?

36. What is your ringtone?
"ding dong the witch is dead"...you laugh, but I'm not joking!

37. Skim, 1%, 2%, or whole milk?
Vanilla soy milk

38. Are you mad about anything?
not any more, grudges are toxic for my soul.

39. What time did you go to sleep last night?
around 2am

40. It's 4 in the morning, your phone rings who do you expect it to be?
I hope that never happens, that's enough to induce panic.

41. Have you kissed anyone over 18?
over 18 what?

42. How is life going for you right now?
*grinning*...Why? What did you hear?

43. Who was the last person you talked to on MSN?
My very good friend Steven

44. Last words you spoke?
I have not spoken my last words yet, are you trying to get rid of me?

45. Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with an M?
yes, I think, no? Hmmm...does it matter?

47. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
HELLO!!! Is this thing on??

48. What do you currently hear right now?
my fingers clicking on the keys and the slaves rattling their chains and Loreena McKennit

49. What do you think your best friend's doing right now?
Trying to figure out a way to come visit me

50. How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
man, how old was this e-mail? I should check my other account more often.

51. Would you rather watch football or baseball?
UFC!!

53. Do you feel like dancing?
I ALWAYS feel like dancing!!! So I do!!

54. How much money do you have on you?
I'm wearing my favorite shirt and a pair of black booty shorts, no pockets. Guess where I'm keeping my wallet.

55. Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
why shouldn't they be?

56. Do you speak another language other than English?
you bet your sweet ass I do! or should I say: vous pariez votre âne doux que je fais !

57. What did you do today?
So far I have made breakfast for the minions, loaded the dishwasher, made green tea, read love letters, and finished answering this.

58. Did you date anyone last summer?
not to the best of my knowledge.

59. Who was the last friend in your house?
that isn't blood related to me...Angie, and she's due to be in my house again soon!

60. Is there someone you want to fight?
No, they aren't worth my time. Living well is the best revenge, right?

61. Song playing right now?
Loreena McKennit's Mystic Dance

62. What’s your middle name?
If I want you to know, you already do.

63. What were you doing an hour ago?
writing a letter

65. Do you secretly like someone?
if it's a secret, why would I tell you?

66. Where were you Friday night?
kicking ass in karate

67. Do you wear a seatbelt in the car?
Always

68. Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else?
Well, considering that every time someone says, "Are you ___?", I deny it and walk away quickly. So I'm going with Fuck Off.

69. Next vacation you're going on?
I haven't gotten my next assignment yet, but I'm hoping for someplace with a lot of wilderness.

70. Do you have any piercings?
Mmmmm hmmmm, guess where?

71. What's something you really want right now?
*sigh*

72. Do you like to text or call more?
neither really. I like to use telepathy to convey my wishes.

73. What's the closest blue object to you?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't have tied that so tight *blushing*

74. Is there anyone you hate?
No, hating them would make it seem like they were important.

75. Do you like the colour blue?
I don't dislike it at all, unless it's the color of someone's skin, then I let them up for air until they pink up a bit.

76. Where did you go on your last road trip?
Weren't you following me? No? Then who was that?

77. Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
NEVER!!

78. What is the weather like today?
It's glorious!! And the weather wasn't bad either.

79. Who did you last talk to on the phone for over 20 minutes?
Cat

80. Where will you be in an hour?
Still wandering around trying to figure out why NO ONE has waffles waiting for me when I awaken!!

81. What does your best friend call you?
*wicked grin* one of them calls me Bubba, but I'll answer to just about anything.

82. Have you ever kissed someone with braces?
braces on their what exactly? If you want a good answer, ask a good question!

84. How many pillows on your bed?
2, plus Raul

87. Do any of your friends annoy you?
No, we always use plenty of lube

88. When was the last time you cried from laughing so hard?
Yesterday, I was watching Jackass 2.5

89. What are you listening to right now?
Isn't this roughly the same as #48?

90. Who do you make fun of the most?
Myself

91. What's the longest you stayed on the phone?
The phone is really small, and kind of hard, so I can't stay on it for long without slipping off.

92. Has your best friend ever seen you cry?
Yes, no, not yet.

93. Where did you last go out to eat?
I took the kids out for Mexican food for lunch

94. Do you dance in the car?
I dance everywhere!!

95. Do you and your best friends act alike?
You're just trying to get me to tell you who my best friends are. It won't work!

96. What is a noise that you cannot stand?
The sound of mother cluckers standing around, well...clucking.

97. Have you lied within the past 24 hours?
What do you think? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

98. Where did you get your last cut?
In my bathroom

99. Would you rather sleep at a friend's or have them over?
Yes, please.

100. Have you ever thought you were going to die?
For a fleeting second when I saw the headlights coming straight at me, then I was unconscious.

101. How do you like your steak?
Left on the cow

103. Do you own any Hollister or American Eagle shirts?
No, I have all my own teeth and I'm not a homosexual male. Never mind, I am.

104. Ever shop at a thrift store?
I grew weary of this inquisition about 55 questions ago.

105. Do you have depressing days?
My days are often depressing for others , but for me? Not so much.

106. Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex?
Hell yeah!

107. Where will you be 12 hours from now?
Making a jacket out of interwoven frankfurter skins or gluing human skulls to my ice cream truck.

108. What about 4 hours from now?
Playing in the sunshine!!

109. Is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated?
Are you familiar with my work?

110. Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
My birthday suit and those sinister new stilettos I bought. Oh, and a big smile!

Tue, 27 May 2008 23:51:24 GMT

Finally! After a VERY long weekend, in every possible sense, the sun was shining! I sleep with my curtains open, so waking up to the sun kissing my bare skin is the best alarm clock. I woke up all smiles and soft purring, ready to meet any challenge my day threw at me. The morning routine went off without a hitch, sunshine turning most of my household back into our joyous selves. With one minion walked to school and after a rousing round of the booty bounce morning dance-off between my son and I (which I won, by the way) before sending him off on the bus, I decided it was just too gorgeous to spend time indoors for one more second. A singular offer to accompany me was callously shot down, so before an argument ruined a truly beautiful day, I grabbed my camera and set off for some quality time with one of my favorite people. ME!

Something down at the harbor was calling me, so that's where I went. Wandering around with the soft ocean breeze threatening to unleash my curls which I had haphazardly pulled up with a strand of glass beads, I daydreamed about sailing off on one of the boats docked there. I love being out on the ocean, or in the ocean, or in a pinch, just near the ocean, so I could easily imagine myself sprawled out on the deck of a boat, in nothing but a bikini and a smile, drifting with no care for what time it is, or where I have to be. That's when I spotted the boat "Siren Song". Perhaps that is what called me?

Mon, 26 May 2008 19:08:16 GMT

A red flag just obscured my vision...a disturbance...things not lining up...

My blood cooled, there's an ache in my chest, something is not what it appears to be, or maybe someone.

I have no room in my heart for liars, thieves, or fair weather friends.

Fri, 23 May 2008 22:39:20 GMT

With a cup of hot coffee in my hand and a big smile on my face I am reading beautiful letters and some words from a song I was listening to today pop into my head:

"Fate smiled at destiny" ~Natalie Merchant-Wonder

These four words pretty much sum up how I'm feeling these days . Lucky doesn't begin to describe it, happy only touches on it, I'm not sure even I can assemble words that could do how I'm feeling justice, and quite honestly, I'm too euphoric to even try. Come bask in my glow...

Mon, 19 May 2008 04:20:30 GMT

Right now I'm laying on my belly on the cool grass under the jacaranda in my front yard. With my legs bent up at the knees, ankles crossed and feet swinging playfully in time with the sweet sounds of birds around me, I must look like a woodland fairy. On the branches above me, my family of wrens flits from limb to limb, squeaking and chirping and singing their happy little songs.

A few months ago, I spied mama bird carrying small twigs up to the top of my porch light where she was building her nest. Having pulled several nests that had long since served their purpose out of there, I knew just what she needed for a soft lining. The next morning I brought out a small handful my soft auburn curls and my daughter's spun honey strands of hair pulled from the bristles of our hairbrushes, draping them in the bushes near where mama bird was gathering materials. Mama didn't take long to gather some in her beak and continue to build her nest.

One afternoon curiosity got the better of me and I decided to wrestle the ladder from my garage so I could take a peek at the contents of the nest. There, in the tiny space on top of my porch light, was a perfect nest lined with strand of auburn and gold hair. Tucked down inside the nest were 4 tiny blue eggs no bigger than jelly beans. At that point I think the smile on my face could be seen from space. I climbed back down, making sure to keep the ladder more accessible for future checks on my little visitors.

With part of me becoming part of these tiny eggs lives, I felt somehow bonded to them, climbing back up my ladder every few days, and naturally, standing defiantly on the place clearly marked, "this is not a step". I didn't want Mama bird to worry that I was going to hurt her precious babies to be, so I made sure that each morning I opened the door and greeted her. I wanted her to know the sound of my voice. After a few mornings, she would greet me back by peering over the edge of her nest and squeaking, but not flying away as she first did. She seemed to understand my intentions.

A few more weeks went by, Mama and I greeting each other as part of a daily ritual, my son and daughter taking up "hawk watch" while they played in the front yard, and thankfully, our big red-tailed hawk had not dined on our current visitors. One morning after walking my daughter to school, I climbed up on my ladder and discovered the most adorable truly ugly little hatchlings! They were all wrinkled and dark gray, eyes still closed, just laying there so small and helpless waiting for mama to bring them back some food. I didn't touch them, but I did take a picture. I heard Mama in the Jacaranda squeaking, perhaps trying to tell me that I was close enough, so I climbed down, giggling. She knows I won't hurt them.

The babies grew quickly, making quite a bit of raucous each morning when I opened the front door. Now, my morning greetings included mama and her babies, who were getting big enough to be seen over the top of the nest. I continued to climb the ladder to see how they were growing, singing to them as I did when they were still in their eggs. The different stages were fun to watch; feathers growing in randomly, eyes opening, little Mohawks of white feathers being replaced by smooth brown feathers, and the changes in the noises they made. One day when I checked them, they had all grown so big I wondered if maybe their flight lessons were going to be delayed because their little feathered butts were wedged in the nest. Thankfully, this was not the case.

Eventually all the babies learned to fly, but they still haven't flown away from my house. I guess they know they are safe here. I see them every morning still, the babies now tiny versions of mama and daddy, their tails just puffs of pale brown fluff. They play tag in the flowers growing in the planter, chasing each other until one inevitably heads back for the nest, proceeding to lean over and taunt it's siblings once it's in there.

Right now, in the Jacaranda tree over my head, the little family of birds are playing and singing along with me as I scribble away in my mysterious green notebook. I think I'll roll over on my back and watch them awhile.

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 23:45:07 GMT

Beach Camping 2008


the kids are excited to be here!	that's what the spouse and I did while they frolicked	nearly empty beach	pretty kite
campfire	getting ready to show s'mores who's boss!	the pier	that's me!
	Junior's ready to hit the waves

More Photos...

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 06:21:57 GMT

Taking a hike

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Sat, 05 Jul 2008 23:08:12 GMT

Cloud illusions

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Wed, 02 Jul 2008 19:47:50 GMT

My view


the hawk's tree	a break in the rain	I could sit out here for hours	looking at the golf course
pull up a chair and join me	my new swing	grumpy Gamera the Russian Box Tortoise	this is Tank, she's kind of special
Jacaranda in bloom

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 08:02:29 GMT

Lake Day


The lake	See...almost empty		He thought he needed a more manly raft
The infamous crocodile!	houses on the other side	and a great place to eat lunch!	under my palm tree
Hey, that's me!	Good day for frolicking at the lake! You should come along next time!

here's where I was yesterday

these plants are supposed to attract butterflies

experimenting with black and white

Mon, 26 May 2008 22:53:57 GMT

January 14 at the BEACH!

Sun mural

wide angle

even crumbling wall are pretty

closer view

January 14th!

pretty much empty

Ocean Front real estate

climbing stairs

to get this view

previously mentioned stairs

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